An Education

An Education


Let me begin by saying--Nick Hornby (High Fidelity, About A Boy, Fever Pitch, A Long Way Down) is one of the greatest writers of all time. This movie, whose screen play was written by Hornby, is breathtakingly amazing. Some movies feed you Hollywood bull, fake dreams, and anything but reality. Hornby, in all of his work, shows the trueness of life. He is honest about what we live in, how we live, and what people do to each other. He is stunning.

This movie made me want to go to grad school tomorrow. I want to be an amazing writer. I want to change people's lives through the stories I share. I want to write about life--it's beauty and heartbreak, it's raw and relentless ache. I want to show people that life is hard--and beautiful.

I need to focus.

If I am a writer then I need to write! There's no getting around that. If I want to know about Chaucer, Blake, and Poe; Dickens, Achebe, and MacDonald then I had better read them, not just WANT to know, want to read, I had better DO it.

Movies like this light a fire in me. They make me want to live my dreams.

I want to write stories like this.

Where did you say again?

I had two deep and fabulous conversations today. Both with wonderful friends--Eric and Lauren. We all have similar hearts--I feel.

Well, the conversations consisted of "What in the world are we doing with our lives?" ... and honestly... none of us know.

It's a strange and stupid thing about growing up where no one really knows what the heck they are doing or where they even want to go. We have vague thoughts and random notions... but nothing definite.

One of my friends (Kat) said that I was fearless. I was talking to her about moving to London, and she said I could do it because I have no fear in life. --NO FEAR IN LIFE?-- Are you serious? I suppose the only fear I have in life is missing out on the beautiful possibility of deep and caring relationships.

Right now I'm bouncing between ideas of Seattle, North Carolina, and London for grad school. I have no idea where I will go. None of us do--we just end up there all the same anyway. I want to do what I love. I want to be loved. I want to make a difference. I want to change the world. I want to write. I want to dance, and sing, and be sexy. I want to dare to be different, and laugh a lot. Dream big and keep secrets. I want to raise amazing children and love my husband well.

See... I know what I want to do. Now.... where.... where should I go do it?

London?

So, this is a bookish thought and a life confession--I'm considering grad school in London. And I'm reading this lovely book about England.

I don't know what school. I don't know how and I don't know when... but I know that I'm considering it.

There's something about that country that makes me want to live there. Could it be that I am probably around 60 to 70 percent English? That I understand their humor best? That I want to walk in castles? That instead of touring Charleston with buildings maybe 300 years old I want to walk the streets of London that are put down in history books and fabulous works of fiction that have changed lives and inspired people?

It's true--partly I want to go to London because I'm a romantic. Not in the love sense, but in the sense that I see the beauty of life in everything. I'd much rather have a building that has gothic architecture because it was built in the medieval period rather than built inspired by gothic architecture. I'd rather have a church designed and crafted in a country for a purpose and a time and it has lasted hundred of years rather than a church built to look like the church from England so the Puritans wouldn't feel so homesick. Do we realize how much we have copied from them? I don't even think I realize it.

Anyway, not to put America down--we came here for freedom and all. All this to say--I've never been really satisfied here. And maybe I won't be satisfied in London either, but ... I am considering it.