Writing a book

Sarah Harris and I are writing a book. Get ready--because it's going to be amazing. We started brainstorming Monday.

I've always wanted to write a book, and who better to write it with than someone who is smart and funny, energetic, outgoing, and sincere. She's one of the best people I know, so this is going to be an amazing opportunity.

She and I have been friends for about four years now. We met in a Bible study about being princesses. It was so lame--I was teaching it. Don't judge me! =) haha. We all have those times in life where we wish we would have done it differently, but hey, I met Sarah, so I can't complain. She and I became fast friends because we are so much alike!

Our freshman year we had a math class together. She sat in the back, where she unashamedly texted her boyfriend all class, and I sat near the front(because I'm a nerd and was single, as usual). One day our teacher was late so our class sat in the hall waiting, the classroom was locked for some strange reason. I remember thinking she was so popular and awesome. She was wearing an RUF shirt with Proverbs 31 all over it. I was wearing some stupid layered tank top thing. She says she remembers thinking I was so popular because I was artsy and could pull of weird clothes like that (to tell you the truth, I never think I pull them off well, I just do it anyway, cuz I want to, and I dont care). She thought I was so cool because everyone passed and said hey to me and knew my name. So, we both thought the other girl was really awesome, but never actually talked to eachother. Weird girls.

But I'm glad we had that strange princess bible study together because if not I would never have become friends with Sarah, and my life would have been missing many amazing adventures and memories. I'm excited to see where writing this book together will take us. All I do know is that it's going to be amazing and we are going to have SO MUCH FUN!

Three days in

I feel a renewed zeal for life. I am taking charge of my weight and eating habits. Which I have pitifully maintained my entire life. Zumba last night was amazing, and I forsee it becoming a regular sweaty fun time in my future.

I think I really need some time to be single and enjoy life. Adding a man to the mix is just too much for me. That sounds horrible and slightly depressing, seeing as how I want to be loved and cared for, but not at the cost of losing who I am, and until I can figure out how to keep all that I am and have a man too, I have to choose myself just to stay sane and happy. I have been happier these past three days than I was the entire month and a half I was with Andrew. I felt more like myself last night at Zumba cracking up with Lindsey and Julie, dancing crazy and shaking my butt.

I have missed myself. Is that possible?

What kind of person am I? That I can lose myself just because a man comes into my life. And I LOVE being me, and yet I sacrifice myself, pretty much unconsciously and willingly, and then wonder why I am so miserable while I'm pretending to be happy. I have got some issues to clear up before any kind of healthy relationship can be formed.

better dreams

As I sit typing this... I am at my parents, recently single.

I knew better in the first place. I did, truly. You always know better when you question it from day one. I was side swiped with his overwhelming pursuit of me. I had never before experienced that. I was shocked that he cared so much... cared so much, but not for long.

It was short--a month and a half. Not very long in terms of relationship growth. It's true. There were not many days, but there were a lot of dreams. He helped me dream, and I dreamed with him, scared but eager. A girl will always find enough strength to dream.

It takes a while to get to know someone. To truly realize who they are. I didn't know him enough at the beginning, I trusted him without knowing. I was scared, but went ahead. I followed his lead, don't we all?

I'm not upset that it's over. I deserve better. I know it. I knew it before it started, and I know it now.

A girl finds healing when she comes back to the place she grew up. I sat outside in the woods, where Nicky, Richard, and I used to play when we were little, and just cried. Not because I lost him, but because I had lost yet again. A certain resolve came over me then--as I stared at the square of wooden forest floor where the tree house used to be. It's rugged boards and street signs, the place of my imagination, the birth of my domestic dreams. I am still that little girl, I have not lost myself, I have not lost anything. I have gained a new beginning, a starting point where better dreams can spring up. I have an amazing opportunity to once again make my life what I've always wanted it to be.

It's Gold Goldman

At the great recommendation of a friend I was instructed to read this book. I had seen the movie once, and so I knew I was in for a dazzling experience.

Goldman does not disappoint with his editing of Morgenstern's The Princess Bride. It is hilarious and lovely. I was on daring chases and madly in love the entire way through.

It's good to remember that Morgenstern was the true genius; however, what Morgenstern failed to do (cutting back!) Goldman did. From the comments Goldman made, it seems that he nearly cut 2/3 of the book out, which makes me wonder what the heck was in those parts? Goldman hints at it--a bunch of lineage, history, and boring detail of parties and hats and dresses. Quite strange that Morgenstern can write a wonderfully funny and captivating story and then put 15 pages of details of hats in a book ad think it's going to go over well.

Thank you Goldman, because of you a new generation can love Inigo, Fezzik, Buttercup, and Westley.

Not so hot Legion

I rent this movie under the impression that it was going to be amazing.

I was wrong.

This movie had a lot of potential, but lived up to nearly none. The one thing it did do well was acting and graphics. The story was completely flat. It had no details to back up why the plot was doing what it was doing, or where it was going, or even what was going to happen when you got there.

All in all I was extremely disappointed because it had so much potential and fell so flat.

The Nerves

once again my life has changed quickly.

i have a boyfriend.

my family is barely holding itself together.

i'm getting a promotion at work, which will actually make me work first, second, and third shifts whenever the job calls for it... but hey it's a stepping stone and more money.

for some reason--i have been freaking out about life lately. i can't seem to make decisions. i can't decide anything. i'm tired of all the drama with my current roommate but i'm hesitant to leave. i love having a boyfriend that cares for me and helps with my life, and speaks honestly and has a loyal heart, but... i miss being just me.

i had a good conversation with my dad last night that really helped. He said that God made me to praise Him. i know, i know, that's not ground breaking news, but for some reason i feel like if i don't go kill the enemy and save all that i can, sacrifice my life, become Mother Theresa, join a convent, etc.... if i don't do these things in some strange way I feel like my life will be meaningless and I will disappoint God. i don't know how or when i started thinking these things, but deep down i do. I feel guilty if i'm not hurting for the Kingdom.

Am i meant to just work, have a boyfriend, move to a better place, and love my family?
Shouldn't I be galavanting through the jungle in hopes of a tribe, rebuilding broken homes, starving because others starve, and sacrificing everything so that in some way i feel justified??

my dad says praising God is the whole point anyway. We were made to praise Him. So, i guess for now I will praise Him with my promotion, boyfriend, new roommate, and crazy family. Somehow that calms my nerves down even if just a little.

An Education

An Education


Let me begin by saying--Nick Hornby (High Fidelity, About A Boy, Fever Pitch, A Long Way Down) is one of the greatest writers of all time. This movie, whose screen play was written by Hornby, is breathtakingly amazing. Some movies feed you Hollywood bull, fake dreams, and anything but reality. Hornby, in all of his work, shows the trueness of life. He is honest about what we live in, how we live, and what people do to each other. He is stunning.

This movie made me want to go to grad school tomorrow. I want to be an amazing writer. I want to change people's lives through the stories I share. I want to write about life--it's beauty and heartbreak, it's raw and relentless ache. I want to show people that life is hard--and beautiful.

I need to focus.

If I am a writer then I need to write! There's no getting around that. If I want to know about Chaucer, Blake, and Poe; Dickens, Achebe, and MacDonald then I had better read them, not just WANT to know, want to read, I had better DO it.

Movies like this light a fire in me. They make me want to live my dreams.

I want to write stories like this.