Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Nerves

once again my life has changed quickly.

i have a boyfriend.

my family is barely holding itself together.

i'm getting a promotion at work, which will actually make me work first, second, and third shifts whenever the job calls for it... but hey it's a stepping stone and more money.

for some reason--i have been freaking out about life lately. i can't seem to make decisions. i can't decide anything. i'm tired of all the drama with my current roommate but i'm hesitant to leave. i love having a boyfriend that cares for me and helps with my life, and speaks honestly and has a loyal heart, but... i miss being just me.

i had a good conversation with my dad last night that really helped. He said that God made me to praise Him. i know, i know, that's not ground breaking news, but for some reason i feel like if i don't go kill the enemy and save all that i can, sacrifice my life, become Mother Theresa, join a convent, etc.... if i don't do these things in some strange way I feel like my life will be meaningless and I will disappoint God. i don't know how or when i started thinking these things, but deep down i do. I feel guilty if i'm not hurting for the Kingdom.

Am i meant to just work, have a boyfriend, move to a better place, and love my family?
Shouldn't I be galavanting through the jungle in hopes of a tribe, rebuilding broken homes, starving because others starve, and sacrificing everything so that in some way i feel justified??

my dad says praising God is the whole point anyway. We were made to praise Him. So, i guess for now I will praise Him with my promotion, boyfriend, new roommate, and crazy family. Somehow that calms my nerves down even if just a little.

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