Wednesday, April 28, 2010

the "its" of this world

If you haven't read this book you really should.

I read it when I was younger and I reread it tonight. It takes about 2 and a half hours, a pretty quick read.

I am reminded of why I love those that are unloved. It is such an incredible story.

I signed up to volunteer some months ago at an orphanage here in Anderson. They have yet to get back to me, and well, I really haven't had the time to get back to them between all my exam preparation and job hunting/freaking out. I do need to contact them, though. I really want to be a part of kid's lives--especially the kids that aren't loved well. It's something I have always wanted to do.

I think as a person that's who I'm attracted to (as people in general). My heart goes out to the ones I know are outcasted and pushed aside because they're weird, or they talk funny, they are just odd. Everyone deserves to be loved and I want to love them well.

I will contact the orphanage ASAP. I will let you know what happens!!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Money's Roll

So, I must say--money and I have had a really rough time staying friends. It seems that whenever I call on him he's gone--disappeared somewhere. Maybe hiding in a corner, but honestly, he's never there. I look.

Money disappears. I was watching a Michael Moore movie the other night with a friend, and well, it really got me thinking. He said that 1% of the American population has more money than the other 99% put together. There is something desperately wrong with that. There is no middle class anymore. The rich are extremely rich and everyone else is pretty much dyeing just to make it.

I was talking with a friend today and she was telling me about her family's financial situation. Her husband lost his job this year, his unemployment has not yet come through (although they've been waiting since January). Her son has to go to the doctor almost every two weeks. But mostly what broke my heart, was last night she was going to Wal Mart with (pretty much) her last ten dollars and she got in a wreck--totaling her car. If they don't pay their power bill in the next two weeks it will get turned off. They haven't paid a mortgage payment since January. They don't know how much longer they will be able to live there until they are kicked out (her, her husband, and her three children).

This was all too real to me. I dealt with a lot of this growing up. Power being turned off. Phones not working. Not enough gas to go anywhere, empty kitchen shelves. And honestly--it's not because my parents were bad people or because they were slack and stayed home all the time. My parent were out working till all hours of the night. My dad still works almost every day.

There is something terribly wrong with the system of American when 1% of the population is swindling the rest of the population out of money to even survive. What happened to the pursuit of happiness? One can't pursue happiness if working more than 40 hours a week won't even keep the power on. Even the lowest paying jobs need to supply enough for people to function on.

I don't know what the solution is, but I do know that for some friggin CEO to have 188 BILLION dollars in his bank account and for my parents to being going in the red every other day, for the poor to have a 15% tax rate and some government officials and high end financial guys to have only 5%, something's got to change.

All that to say--I really hope I get a job soon because growing up is very very hard. I'm totally willing to work 2 or even 3 jobs if I can to get my finances caught up, whatever it takes. I just need the jobs. God, please, please, give me a job.

Monday, April 19, 2010

The Family Reject

So I responded to some family news today rather harshly. Information was given to me that I probably should not have heard. In the spirit of shock and deep concern I made two phone calls and spoke in tones I wish I hadn't.

I do not understand my place in this problem. I am removed but my heart is not. I care deeply for those it concerns, and yet she is not my daughter. In all honesty I have no say in how to raise her, how to direct her or influence her. I can love her, but with a life that is so busy and far away, how much influence can I really have? It's so frustrating.

It is such a difficult place for me. I don't have my own family yet. I'm 24 and single... and I am the type of person to care deeply for those that are closest to me. I am burdened by the choices of my family. I care immensely to be a part of their days, their struggles and even their downfalls. I want to be there for them, but it's so hard when they all have their own families and units to work in. My unit involves them, but their unit doesn't involve me. Rejection sets in mingled with the removed sense of love I have for them.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Senior Show prep

I have seriously sacrificed all other classes for my senior show. This is ironic because I need every single class I'm in this semester in order to graduate with my two degrees. In French I'm supposed to have read at least half the book by now and in Modern American Fiction we're to have read an entire book--both of which I have not done. I stayed up till 7 am last "night" working on a painting. Today I started hanging my show and soon after I get offline I will start working on more of my show. I have an 8:30 class in the morning, so I'm not seeing much sleep in my future.

My show will be amazing. I'm already so proud of myself. There will be many pictures!

Thursday, April 8, 2010


I had to mail some postcards yesterday, so I ventured over to the post office on campus. While they were processing my order I noticed a small box to my right covered in bright yellow paper. It said something about a survey and there were bright yellow papers inside, so naturally -- I reached inside.

The survey was about the death penalty and asked whether students agreed with it, if it was a principle of christianity, and if they believed in it enough to merit the execution of their mother if she were ever convicted of murder. I was shocked at the number of people who circled yes for these questions, even the one about their mother. I only pulled 8 out, but seven of the eight circled yes for all and one circled no for all. I found this very odd.

Personally I'm not exactly sure what to think about the death penalty. I'm not sure what the right answer is, all I know is that it seems hypocritical. How is it right to kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong? I just can't understand how that is justified.

And I know that most christians on this campus would back it up with this Old Testament verse:

Exodus 21:23-25 (New International Version)

"But if there is serious injury, you are to take life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise."

But what about this verse?

Matthew 5:38-40 (New International Version)

"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well."

Jesus came to bring a new way of living. I'm not sure exactly what that means we should do for murderers. I don't exactly agree with letting them run loose with the potential and highly probability that they will kill again.

I just found it interesting that so many students were willing to kill... even their mother. Has a christian school really forgotten Jesus' own words?

Friday, April 2, 2010

LC's Holes

I have lived with this dog for only a month. He belongs to my roommate. And... I do dearly love little LC... but, and it's a really BIG but, it's a lot of nastiness.

So far he has peed on my bed, through the covers down to my mattress (down through my mother's quilt!!). He has also peed through my roommate's comforter and sheets as well. He has pooped on the floor several times, once on the couch, once on the couch pillows. He has thrown up twice (that I'm aware of).

But the most recent--he had diarrhea ALL in his kennel. All over his bed, blanket, and himself. I noticed it as I walked halfway up the hallway. The stench was undeniable. It was 7:45 in the morning and I had to leave for a french exam. My roommate was asleep, but not for long. I woke her up with the lovely news and headed off to etudie le francaise.

I love little LC...but I would love him much more if nothing ever came out of his body again. Seriously, he even oozes from his eyeballs a nasty stench. I think the only holes on him that hasn't seriously done damage are his ears. They seem to be alright. Hopefully they stay that way.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

french consumes me

164 pages
25 chapters
approximately 39, 360 words that I do not easily comprehend.

I spent two hours doing two paragraphs today. I really do hope it comes easier to me the more I do it (which most things do).