So I responded to some family news today rather harshly. Information was given to me that I probably should not have heard. In the spirit of shock and deep concern I made two phone calls and spoke in tones I wish I hadn't.
I do not understand my place in this problem. I am removed but my heart is not. I care deeply for those it concerns, and yet she is not my daughter. In all honesty I have no say in how to raise her, how to direct her or influence her. I can love her, but with a life that is so busy and far away, how much influence can I really have? It's so frustrating.
It is such a difficult place for me. I don't have my own family yet. I'm 24 and single... and I am the type of person to care deeply for those that are closest to me. I am burdened by the choices of my family. I care immensely to be a part of their days, their struggles and even their downfalls. I want to be there for them, but it's so hard when they all have their own families and units to work in. My unit involves them, but their unit doesn't involve me. Rejection sets in mingled with the removed sense of love I have for them.