fleeting

"I watched the rain beat down on the road outside and told myself that one day this would be twenty years ago." Bill Bryson

I am overwhelmed with the thought that life is fleeting. We are vapors, here today, gone tomorrow. Our lives are but glimpses into existing then gone forever. I suppose this is why I love cemeteries. There's something final when you are looking at a life that was lived, loved, and burried.

When I think about all this I realize that I am making a big deal out of small things. I am single--and every now and again my heart freaks out about this, but when I realize my life is only one small little piece of God's big beautiful story. This day, one day, will be a twenty year old memory, and I will realize why I had to wait, and I am sure it will be a wonderful blessing. I know I am waiting for a man worth waiting for. I have to keep my mind in the reality that my life is a small little breath of God's hugeness.

My body will one day die. My story will end. His life will last forever, and because I am a part of that, I will last forever with Him. My little problems are lost in the vastness of His reality. His story trumps mine every time. I need my eyes to stay focused on His.


Yeshua, Messiah, my Saviour
I know I get distracted
I know my thoughts get lost
it's hard to keep them steady,
my heart is so needy.
I wander and weave through
random mangled tangled longings.
I'm a kite in a storm
a bird lost in gusts of nothing
a child helplessly looking
for help from death.
Help me, Helper, I have nothing
that guides me, but you.

Surrey, what?

This is my latest book--Notes From a Small Island. Bill Bryson is quickly becoming one of my favorite authors. He is hilarious and quick to say what he thinks. He doesn't add a lot of fluff or randomness. His words are to the point, but well chosen.

This book is about his adventures traveling alone through England before moving back to the US. It's great because you see his experiences, the people that he comes in contact with, the rediculous circumstances he lets himself get in. Most England travel books talk a lot about details and destinations, but he talks about the small off the wall type places that he winds up in. I can buy a book about London anytime, but what about Bishops Itchington, Great Snoring, Felldownhead, Surrey Duck End, So. Yorks Killiecrankie, or Kilmahog. Now, these are the places I want to know about!

Pick it up or borrow it. I highly recommend it.

too much? not sure

So, I'm a little nervous. What if I have just overfilled my life--again!?!? I was the champion of putting too much on my plate when I was in college. My life has been pretty simple after graduating until now. All I had was work from 8 am to 4 pm then I could do pretty much whatever I wanted, for a while that was simply sleep.

Three weeks ago I joined a small group--the best decision EVER. I'm considering volunteering at the NewSpring Fuse for middle school that's on Wednesday nights. And the most recent, I'm getting a part time job at Books-A-Million. I used to work there like four years ago, and I remember loving it. I just finished an interview and if all goes well I'll start back soon.

I'm just nervous that I'm going to kill myself with being busy. That I'm not going to get enough sleep, that my body will get mad at me about it. That I'll spread myself too thin. I think I'll be alright, but we will see.

As for now... I'm excited about what this all could be. It could be great.

sun stand still

NewSpring tonight was amazing. Steven Furtick came and spoke. He is the lead pastor of Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC. It was amazing. He talked about the message of his book, Sun Stand Still, a reference to Joshua asking God to stop time--and God DID IT!

His message was refreshing and challenging. Am I really believing God for big things in my life? Am I asking God for the outlandish, the incredible, the things that only He can do? Would I ever ask God to stop the sun in motion, and would God by my faithful and fervent prayer actually comply?

I am so excited about where God is taking me. I have no idea exactly where that is, or exactly what it will be, but I am so excited! God has dreams for me, I know that. Jer 29:11 states it plainly. I have to believe again that He wants good things for me. In Matthew Jesus talks about how our earthly fathers give good gifts to their children, how much more will our Heavenly Father give good gifts to His children? I know God has amazing things in store for me.

Although, I am closer to God now that I have been these past two years, I still feel so far from where I was three years ago sitting around a fire with beautiful people living tangibly the sacrifice and closeness God calls us to with those that love Him. I want Jesus to be my bread and butter again--all that I need, all that I want, everything to me. I want to see Jesus, to know Him like I have never known Him before. I know He has not changed. He is still as amazing as ever. I desperately want to be His beloved and know His tenderness toward me. It will come, it will come with time. I will pray with fervency and pleading that He will wreck my life with His unyielding goodness and love, ripping life from my hands and giving me all that He has, with all grace and joy I know that will come with His overpowering presence.

Community

Alright, I know--I haven't blogged in over a month. I can't stand it! Internet at home in nonexistant and going to Books-A-Million all the time proves not a good idea for my wallet, but, alas, what must be done must be done.

Recently I have joined a NewSpring homegroup and I am so excited! We meet on Tuesday nights and last Tuesday we went bowling, and I thoroughly kicked everyone's butt, which I enjoyed and really didn't meant to, it just happened.

Mostly, I am just really excited to be back in a community of believers. People who are lifting each other up and loving each other. I am so pumped to be in that setting. To be eager to pray for people, sacrifice for people, try my hardest to love those that God has given me. I really hope I can play a big part in pushing the group to live sacrificially and lovingly with serious determination.

This week is our third meeting and I am ready. I almost wished we met more than once a week. I want it to be something more than just casual conversation and dreary boredom as we all think of something else besides each other. I remember what it was like to LIVE in community in Austin, and I desperately want that back.