Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Three days in

I feel a renewed zeal for life. I am taking charge of my weight and eating habits. Which I have pitifully maintained my entire life. Zumba last night was amazing, and I forsee it becoming a regular sweaty fun time in my future.

I think I really need some time to be single and enjoy life. Adding a man to the mix is just too much for me. That sounds horrible and slightly depressing, seeing as how I want to be loved and cared for, but not at the cost of losing who I am, and until I can figure out how to keep all that I am and have a man too, I have to choose myself just to stay sane and happy. I have been happier these past three days than I was the entire month and a half I was with Andrew. I felt more like myself last night at Zumba cracking up with Lindsey and Julie, dancing crazy and shaking my butt.

I have missed myself. Is that possible?

What kind of person am I? That I can lose myself just because a man comes into my life. And I LOVE being me, and yet I sacrifice myself, pretty much unconsciously and willingly, and then wonder why I am so miserable while I'm pretending to be happy. I have got some issues to clear up before any kind of healthy relationship can be formed.

1 comment:

  1. Well put and completely understood...Again..same person :) LOVE YOU!!!